Article 4

This Article originally appeared in the monthly
magazine Science of Mind, April 2005, Los Angeles, CA

The Soul Side of Abortion, 2005
by Diane Harmony

THE SOUL SIDE OF ABORTION

Finding the Grace Within the Choice

Pregnancy when intended is the source of unbounded joy for the prospective parents-to-be. Pregnancy when unplanned or unexpected can be the catalyst for an opportunity to hold a different intention, or for a world of fear, worry, relief, emotional upset and pain. An unintended pregnancy forces the woman - and in many cases her male partner – to face very critical choices that will fully impact the future of the fetus and her, and her partner, as parents. For many, the choice to have an abortion is the solution to this circumstance. The reasons to terminate a pregnancy are as numerous and varied as the couples that conceive, and the conditions under which the conception occurs. The ways in which women and men cope with the consequences of their decisions often dictate the amount of pain, guilt, shame and suffering experienced, OR the powerful spiritual blessings gained.

According to the Alan Guttmacher Institute, a not-for-profit corporation for reproductive health research, policy analysis and public education, almost one half of all pregnancies in the United States are unintended. Of those pregnancies, 47% result in abortions, 40% in births and 13% in miscarriages. While the annual number of abortions has declined since 1990, in the year 2000 1.31 million pregnancies were termininated by abortion in the U.S.

Whatever side of the abortion issue we may find ourselves on, it is clear that teens and adults have made and are continuing to make the decision to terminate pregnancy through what has been termed as one of the most common surgical procedures in the U.S. – abortion. The decision to terminate a pregnancy through this procedure while legal still carries a mantle of unacceptability among many, including for some, those who make that choice. There is an atmosphere of social judgment that can and does foster secrecy and shame among many women and their partners who elect to abort.

Yet, each of the statistical numbers we are talking about represents spiritual beings in human form who are moving through this life in an effort to express the Love of God. Whether conscious of our divinity or not, we all are on a soul path that is laden with opportunities for us to transcend the appearances in the world of form in order to know the Truth that we are divine expressions of the living God. Time and again, we find ourselves in circumstances and conditions where we make a decision, and then experience the consequences of that decision, as we grow into remembering our Oneness in God. For some of us at least some of the time, the choices are conscious; and for others there is the sense of being “acted upon” by some force outside us.

In order to prepare for this article, I interviewed a number of women and men whose lives have been touched by abortion. Their stories are offered with their permission and their blessings. Each has revealed an issue or issues that perhaps are common among all the millions of people who have chosen abortion, and who may be open to receiving the “grace” and spiritual growth that comes from acceptance of their actions and choices. What is common among them all is the pain of shame and secrecy that was somehow soothed by relating their experiences to an open listener.

One Woman’s Story:

I was 14 and acting like I was on drugs. I didn’t even know that I could become pregnant, and I was. Too young to “solve it” on my own, I was forced to tell my mother. Wrapped in a blanket of judgment from her for having had sex and her rage for being forced to make arrangements for an abortion through the county, I was dragged to a clinic in East L.A. Emotionally abused by the doctor, I came back to a home torn asunder by my having become pregnant. My mother made me take birth control pills, which traumatized my physical system, and was the final contributor to an emotional break in our relationship that was to last for 20 years. How did I handle it afterward? I stopped the pill. I buried the whole experience. I didn’t talk to anyone about it. And, I moved in with my dad. At 17 I found myself unwelcome there and moved in with an older, very angry man. Fearing another pregnancy, I used and IUD for a while, which resulted in a horrible infection. When I found myself pregnant, I was so fearful to have his baby that I went and had an abortion, but told him I miscarried. Another lie, another secret. Mentally I was “fine”; physically I was a mess; on my own and very alone. High blood pressure and endometriosis plagued me. And then at 19, I met my husband and conceived and gave birth to two beautiful daughters.

As devotees of New Thought/Ancient Wisdom teachings such as Science of Mind, we know that a victim role blocks our access to the Truth that we create our reality with our thoughts. When we blame, we shirk the responsibility for having full sway over the path our lives take. That in it self does not serve us, but more importantly, we disengage from receiving the transforming knowledge inherent in living fully conscious, fully responsible (that is, able-to-respond) lives. When we engage the metaphysical axiom that there are no accidents, we are mastering the ability to embrace each life-experience and extract from it the rich wisdom contained within it. When we feel that we are not in control of our circumstances; that our choices are made for us; that it’s the other person’s fault, then the blessings delivered by the “messenger” of our human conditions are sadly missed. In other words, a spiritual principle (i.e. “Everything is working together for my good,” and/or “I am guided and directed by the Power and Presence of God within me,”etc.) that stands behind and within the choice of abortion goes unnoticed.

HER STORY CONTINUES…

Motherhood, the divorce and the passing years gave me the courage to begin my own spiritual awakening journey. And at 34 I found myself pregnant yet again. In retrospect I realize that this time I was consciously choosing the course I felt was for the highest good for my partner, my children and myself. I used my experience with this abortion as a process to access that part of myself that was connected with the souls of the fetuses not born through me. With enormous support from loving teachers and friends, I invited them all to move on and released myself from the emotional” hanging on” I had done for years. I allowed myself to grieve the loss of unborn children. I opened up to forgiveness of everyone who had been touched by the abortions, especially myself. Part of the gift of this time is that I was able to welcome my mother back into my life with compassion and love.

When our choices are made consciously, with love and compassion, we open out a way for the Divine to be revealed…and our lives to be healed. When we keep those experiences under the shroud of secrecy and shame, we empower them by our refusal to accept and embrace them. When left unopened, these gifts tend to seek a place in the shadow side of our minds and bodies to store their contents awaiting the time (sometimes not so patiently or painlessly) for us to open the box.

ONE MAN’S STORY

I was clear I never wanted children and said so to my beloved as I entered into what I considered my first adult love. And for several years she agreed to my wishes (although our disagreements seemed to always center around marriage and family) and assumed the full responsibility for the birth control we practiced. I didn’t respond lovingly when she told me she was pregnant. When I insisted on an abortion, my motive was self-centered. I felt “set up.” I could provide the arrangements and ride to and from the clinic, but not the emotional nurturing needed then. The pregnancy put a wedge into our relationship that was deepened when 2 years later after having switched from pills to a diaphragm for health reasons, she became pregnant again. Clearly this time I could see that she was desperately trying to resolve our differences and get her needs met. My heart opened to her and I was able to love her through this abortion. I felt in touch with the unborn life, and made a conscious connection to say good-bye. Yet in the weeks and months that followed the second abortion it became obvious that these two experiences - and how we had handled them - profoundly changed us. I felt a deep sense of betrayal of trust. There was no place of safety to go. Our parting was terribly painful, so I put the relationship and it’s attending abortion experiences in the recesses of my mind, locked away, ignored. She moved on and into a wonderful relationship in which she had two children, and I found a lovely woman to marry. I got the call from her family 15 years later to let me know that my first love was dying. That phone call opened the door of all the unexpressed feelings, shame, grief and love I had put away. Grateful for the years that allowed me to change and grow, I visited her days before she died and spent hours telling her of my love, my regrets for my behavior, asking her forgiveness and allowing for my own self forgiveness to begin. She was unable to speak; yet I know that our hearts heard one another.

It is so vital for us to be aware of what we are becoming when we experience heart-rending decisions, and not tuck them away in denial or repression. When the “stuff” we have stashed in the shadow is illuminated, tremendous insights and revelations about our life pattern and path are given. Compassion for others and ourselves is released as we open to our Divine Nature that is only love and knows only love. The light we shine on the shadow reveals the Truth back of it all: “It’s all God.”

ANOTHER WOMAN SHARES

After endless fertility tests, we adopted two children. And then I found out I was pregnant. Neither my husband nor I were prepared economically or emotionally to have another child. I was afraid of being pregnant (my mom had suffered a lot of pain having me), and very uncomfortable with the sick feeling I was experiencing, as well as the changes my body would go through. My husband refused to participate and put the entire decision about the future of our child in my lap. Left to make the choice myself, my decision was motivated by fear and was on that emotion that I rode to the clinic, had the procedure and made the resolution never to share this experience with anyone, including my husband. I didn’t consider the fetus a soul because it was unborn, but the shame of having had an abortion was more than I could handle emotionally. Imagine my surprise when at the divorce proceedings 20 years later, my husband expressed dismay at my having had the abortion!

The Grace from this choice left in the dark wrapped in shame, fear and sorrow emerged in this email from her following our interview:

“The gift of our discussions is the release of the stigma around the word ‘abortion.’ It took a while to ‘get over’ my divorce and now it is okay to have had and to be open about my abortion. The gift of that soul who came into my life was the gift of freedom -freedom to choose the life of my marriage then, and the divorce later. And now 30 years later, what do I choose? Freedom to birth a business. I fear not the pain and discomfort of the ‘pregnancy.’ I feel the joy of growth, the joy of ‘showing’ the growth, the joy of embracing the largeness of the body. Through the gift of that loving soul I choose to claim my creations; to expand and express God as It chooses me.”

Our teachings are predicated on the principle that God as Life is all there is. We affirm life and are inspired to make choices that are in alignment with Life…that is, All That Is, physically, mentally and spiritually, in and out of form. We know that Life is eternal, everlasting, infinite and that it cannot be interrupted in It’s expression. We do not have the power to stop it. We do have the power to direct our path by making choices that are in alignment with our authentic, honest understanding of what is true for us as spiritual beings. Each and every crossroad on the path offers us the gift of bringing conscious awareness to the selections we make. Is there a fail-proof guarantee that comes with this privilege called living life as a human being? I think so, if we are but willing to accept it.

ANOTHER MAN’S TALE

We became pregnant before we were to be married. I was not personally ready for fatherhood, and the family of my wife-to-be would have had zero tolerance for a grandchild conceived out of marriage. We were faced with what was then, and continues to be, a painful choice to have an abortion. It was such a sad experience to go through, knowing we were talking about a life. The deep sense of loss that prevailed after the abortion drove me into the office of my Religious Science minister. She managed through counseling and prayer to help me believe that the soul of this child is unharmed; that it came to be of service to us, and could choose to come into human hood another way. We agreed that it was all perfect. And strangely, it was. Divine Love was definitely channeled through this soul. It was a source of bringing us closer together as we shared the experience of the loss and found a sense of comfort from one another. It played a role in our decision to marry, and now that I think about it, the spirit of that baby was the catalyst for the treasured birth of our two children. What a gift!

In our culture there is such a heaviness surrounding abortion…the secrecy, the suggestion of killing and murder. I feel that through forgiveness, I can now truly see the grace of our experience, every time I look into my children’s eyes.

In life, we don’t fail. We are just ignorant. And we become very wise when we accept the Truth that our path as perfect, and our choices are designed to bring us back to the Reality that we are emanations of a benevolent God, whose greatest pleasure is to give us the Kingdom.

There are cords of secrecy, shame, a lack of support to grieve, disenfranchised male partners, political divisiveness and the suffering of many women who appear to be branded as temptresses and harlots that are wrapped around abortion in our current culture. They can be dissolved through our willingness to wrap ourselves in the common threads that bind these stories - and the millions like them - together as the healing strands of compassion, courage, forgiveness, love, gratitude and the ultimate awareness that we are all One. What becomes apparent is that coupled with our own awakening, our greatest soul-purpose is to serve each other’s highest calling…whether our role is for a few days, a month or 90 years.

Perhaps one day, we will all be aware enough, educated enough, kind enough to one another, and clear enough about our intentions to mother and father a child that articles like this one won’t be relevant and the choice to have abortion will be a very old solution to a non-existent problem.

In the meantime, as we collectively evolve in consciousness, let us pray to live a conscious life – to be open to the Grace (that is, the giving ness of God) that is inherent in everything we choose.

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